1. Actually Apologize
This one is super simple. Start by saying, "I'm sorry" or "I apologize." Many people get this part right, but it is the next few steps when things go all downhill.
2. Clearly State your Wrongdoing
In this step, you need to clearly state what you are apologizing for and what you did wrong. When you are doing this, you need to be able to honestly and openly say you are at fault in the situation. If you are not sure what you are apologizing for, you should not start an apology. You need to backtrack and listen to the person you have wrong and understand where they feel you have wrong them. IF YOU ARE NOT SORRY, DO NOT APOLOGIZE.
3. DO NOT MAKE EXCUSE!
This step is the MOST significant part. It also grinds my gears when done incorrectly. An apology is not the time for excuses. If you think the person you are apologizing to did something wrong or is an effect of what they did wrong, it is okay to request an apology from them or even say I will not apologize for your mistakes until they apologize for theirs. BUT DO NOT APOLOGIZE WITH THE EXPECTATION OF GETTING AN APOLOGY BACK. Your apology needs to stand on its own without any excuses or expectations of reprisal.
4. Plan to Move Forward
This step indicates why this situation won't happen again and what steps to take to ensure that. This plan should include the person receiving your apology. How this plan looks depends on the infraction or wrongdoing and the person. If you apologize for eating someone's food in the fridge, the plan might be to ask to make sure the person doesn't want it before eating it. However, if the infraction is infidelity, then the other person may need a lengthy step by step plan to ensure it will not happen again. This plan is dependent on the answer you will receive to the last step.
5. Ask for Forgiveness
This step is also straightforward, but many often forget it. The point of an apology is to admit wrong AND ask for forgiveness. Many people say, "I am sorry" and then expect the person to say I forgive you, but there is so much power in the asking. When you ask for forgiveness, it ties the apology with a bow of saying, "I know what I did was wrong, and I would like you to forgive me for it." There is a vulnerability in that statement which goes with the sincerity of the apology. In many ways apologizing in a vulnerable act because it humbles you, and when you wrong someone that also makes that person vulnerable and when you apologized, it also puts you in the vulnerable space, so everyone is on an equal playing field.
These steps are how to deliver a productive and real apology. Again, I firmly believe you should not apologize if you don't feel like you did anything wrong. Let's remove this notion that everyone must apologize even with children. You should also never apologize to get an apology in return because there will be cases where you will not get one back or at least not one you believe.
Let us normalize forgiving people without an apology. I would instead do the internal work to forgive someone who I feel has done me wrong, then have someone give me a half-ass insincere apology that would make me madder. Asking forgiveness can be hard, but giving forgiveness makes you strong. (That is a blog post for another week)
Most people make resolutions and new goals at the beginning of the year, but I like to prepare them for my birthday. Every year I make goals that I want to work on the next chapter of my life. I read my goals for my 25th year, and I did all of them, which makes me so proud of myself. So here are my goals for Chapter 26.
Secretly, my dream is to become a paid writer/blogger. I have done A LOT of research on this topic and attending webinars and masterclasses on how to grow my following, boost website traffic, and monetize my blog. I have already taken some steps, but I am still working on how to get there. I also researched some workshops and boot camps that I can invest in to make this dream a reality.
This process is all crazy and intense to me because this is a dream that I have had for a while now, and this is the first time I have openly allowed myself the courage to pursue it. AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING, but that is also the exciting part. I must be self-confident and passionate enough to figure out this puzzle and even go and find the pieces that are missing
I know. I know. I have said this before, but with my previous goal of trying to make “Simply Sha Sha” a brand and make it a stream of income. I need to make sure I am writing weekly. Doing this is not always easy because some weeks, I honestly have not idea what I am going to write about, but I am learning that I genuinely love writing and creating content.
Writing gives me a therapeutic release, which may be the reason that I have not been journaling as much lately, but there is A LOT of things that I WILL NOT share on the internet, so I need to start back to journaling daily as well.
More Fruits and Vegetables
This goal has more to do with treating my body better by putting things in it that are good for it. I was cooking a lot at the beginning of the quarantine, but I have been on the fast food and takeout train, and I NEED to GET OFF!!!
Cooking not only saves money but is also overall healthier for you as well. I need to start meal prepping and planning my meals out to make sure I am getting all the nutrients that my body needs.
I recently bought an elliptical, so with this healthy eating goal, I will be looking too good.
More Church and Bible Study
If you remember reading a previous blog post, “Church, God, and Me,” then you know about my journey with religion. Since I was working at the shoe store on Sundays, I have not been making it to Sunday services, but since everything is virtual and I have nothing else to do on Sunday, I want to make it a priority to attend virtual service.
I received a Christian planner with excellent ways to get closer to God, and I want to use that to help and as motivation. I feel that my relationship with God is good, but I could always strengthen it.
Continuing to Grow
I started therapy in October, and while I still have a lot of work to do, I can tell I am making a lot of progress. I am more confident and self-aware then I was a year ago. I have the tools to recognize an anxiety attack and bring myself back to reality, I can see the signs of anxiety and unpack where it is stemming from, and these are NOT things I was able to do years ago.
I have been dealing with anxiety my whole life, and since being diagnosed with my anxiety disorder, I have felt A LOT less anxious, A LOT happier and I no longer randomly burst into tears, which is GREAT. ?
I am excited to see with Chapter 26 has for me. I pray that is nothing but love and light, but if there is darkness, I pray for guidance and strength to make it back to the light and become wiser and stronger.
1. What is your full name?
QueNisha Sha Gadson
2. Where were you born?
3. What are your favorite things about yourself?
My optimism, my creativity, my openness, and, my boobs
4. Which of your parents are you closest to?
5. Which of your parents are you more like?
6. Who is your favorite celebrity?
7. What is your favorite quote?
“You must be the change you wish to see in the world”
8. What is your favorite candle scent?
9. What is your favorite social media channel?
Toss up between Instagram and Twitter
10. Are you more inclined to “build your own empire” or unleash the potential of others?
Build, but I love to help others build too. We in this together
11. Are you a dog person or a cat person?
12. What is something you've never done that you'd like to try?
13. Are you a good cook?
With the many calls to my grandmother, I’m working on it
14. Who is the biggest pack rat, you know?
My sister, TK.
15. Do you remember your dreams?
I always have very vivid dreams and remember them every morning.
16. Who sent the last text message you received?
"You butt called your godmother" - my mommy
17. Who was your first Celebrity crush?
21. How has your birth order/characteristics of siblings affected you?
I am the oldest. So, my two sisters come to me with everything which I LOVE. I give them advice and try to protect them.
22. What is the first thing you do when you get home?
Take off my shoes. The country girl in me loves not having shoes on.
23. What medical conditions do you have?
A heart murmur, allergies from hell, and an anxiety disorder.
24. What was the first concert you ever attended?
BEYONCE. On the Run II. I am so glad I went because after this year she is NEVER giving us another show.
25. What are some of your bad habits?
I bite my nails. It’s so BAD
26. How are you spending your 26th birthday?
With my amazing family back in my hometown.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.