My relationship with church and God has changed several times in my life. I am a Christian and like many Christians (whether they admit it or not) I have gone through experiences of doubt and not attending church services.
When I was kid, I attended church service every Sunday including 9 am Sunday School before service as well. Our church service was not 4-5 hours long, like some churches (no shade) and we did not attend multiple church services in the afternoon or bible study every Wednesday. However, my mother and grandmother did make sure we (my sisters and I) were heavily involved in church activities. We were a part of the children’s choir, YPD (Young People’s Division), praise team, usher board, and many other church activities. These activities were not always voluntary, but whatever my mother and grandmother felt was good for us.
When I got to middle/high school, I started working for the church as the church secretary assistant. I would announce all church meetings and activities during service, helped with payroll and programs, and anything else the church needed me to do. I was unlike other teenager who may have been defiant of the church. I steered into it.
Right before I went to college, my family lost two of our members. These unexpected and tragic losses happened within 6 months of each other; both members were young. When I went to college, I stopped going to church all together. With my small taste of freedom, there was no one to make me go – like when I was a kid – and I was not working for or with a church, so I had no obligation to go.
I honestly was upset with God; my family was experiencing so much pain, and I could not understand why He would do this to us. I went to church, and many people would say it's going to be ok, everything happens for a reason, and other common church sayings but I did not want to hear that at all. I wanted answers from God himself, not false hopes and narratives from other members. I stopped going to church and talking to God. I felt that since I wasn’t going to church, He wouldn’t want to talk to me or hear me.
I realized (not sure when or where), that I do not need to go to church to have an open conversation with God. Being a Christian does not mean you attend church every Sunday (some would disagree.). I would talk to God often; not in a formal manner but very much like I am talking to my best friend (minus a few words). I started to think that I didn’t need to go to church. I talked to God when I felt like it by myself, played gospel music and had praise break by myself, and felt that my personal relationship with God was enough.
Now I am starting to realize, while the personal relationship I have with God is amazing and beneficial, having a community that loves God as much as you do is an amazing feeling as well. The vibe (if you are in the right space for you) of having people who have experienced the amazing blessings of God and loves Him like you do, is great for your spiritual renewal. I have attended church the last few Sundays and I love the way I feel after service.
If you are experiencing doubt, just know you are not alone, and God will be there when and if you are ready to go back. If you are on a church hiatus, remember that you can have amazing conversation with your God wherever you are. He is everywhere, He is listening, and He loves you!
* This blog is from a Christian prospective. I respect all religions and denominations. All are welcome on this blog. (No Trump Supporter tho!)
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.