We have all heard about love languages. Ever since Gary Chapman's book "The 5 Love Languages came out, there have been many articles around the subject. If you have been living under a rock, here is an image of the five love languages and how you can identify yours. If you would like a more detailed report, you can refer to Gary Chapman's website and take the five love language quiz.
I have taken the love language quiz, and thanks to therapy have even figured out the reasoning behind my top love language. Love languages, like many other behaviors, are defined by our parents and upbringing. If you were hugged and kissed a lot as a kid, maybe physical touch is your top love language, or if your parents showered you with gifts, perhaps receiving gifts is your love language. In any case, it is crucial to understand your love language, so if/when you enter a relationship, you can best communicate how you feel and express love to your partner.
Whenever I have begun a relationship with someone, I have communicated my love language with them and asked theirs to understand them better and improve our relationship. I am in a relationship now, and this is the first time I have struggled with my partner's love language. My partner's top love language is one of my lowest love languages.
As you can see, my top love language is Acts of Service. I love it when my partner does things for me that would make my life easier. Examples would be washing the car, doing the dishes, folding the clothes, etc. I LOVE THAT SHIT. It is also the way I express love. So by cooking for my partner, helping them organize their closet, making the bed are the ways I show them that I love them.
My BF top love language is physical touch, which, as you can see, is my second lowest language. He loves to cuddle, kiss, and hold hands, and sometimes that is just the opposite of what I want to do. As an introvert, I sometimes need my space or want to sit on the other side of the couch and read my magazine or watch tv with no interruptions. That does not always work for my boyfriend, and that is when we have to compromise and make more of an effort to communicate in each other's love languages.
When I cook for him, I am showing that I love him and know he appreciates it, but he is not going to feel the same amount of love as when I cuddle with him while watching a movie. The same way I won't feel that same amount of love when we are cuddling that I would feel when he takes out the trash and washes my car.
Knowing your partner's love language is so important because it's like a cheat sheet in how to make your partner feel the most loved by you, AND it shows you are making an effort to do so.
So when I get in bed, I love being on my phone (I know I KNOW blue light. Whatever) scrolling through social media, reading news articles, etc. but I know this that could be prime cuddle time for my BF so I try to remember that and put my phone down. I cuddle with him until he falls asleep (he ALWAYS goes asleep before me), and then I go back to my phone once he is sleeping.
That is just one of the many examples that we work on trying to communicate in the other person's love language while still appreciating how the other person shows love.
My boyfriend and I want our relationship to continue to go well, and I think we are taking some significant steps.
What do ya'll think?