With the pandemic still causing chaos around the world, people are finding new ways to entertain themselves. For the last couple of weeks, I have decided to entertain myself my binging all the Marvel movies in order from 2008 to 2019. There are 3 phases and 23 movies in total – according to techradar.com.
These six movies drew me into the Marvel university so hard. The backstories and introductions of our four leading superheroes were terrific. My favorite heroes in the phase were Captain America and The Hulk. Thor and Iron Man were born into wealth, royalty, or both with privileges that allowed them never to have to hear the word “no” or accept the consequences for their wrongdoings. However, Thor was able to humble himself after being cast away by his father and spending time on Earth with Jane. Iron Man never humbled himself!! After almost being killed, he did realize that he wanted to stop creating weapons and focus on peace, but he even did that arrogantly by yelling it at a press conference and not considering the impact on his company. It was during Phase One that I realized that Iron Man was my least favorite of the heroes.
I loved the introduction of other heroes such as Black Widow (Nat), Warmachine (Rhodey), and Clint Barton. They are also fantastic, and I love that Nat and Clint don’t have any superpowers or special suit but are just amazing fighters that can still hold their own.
There six movies introduced many more characters, villains, and, most importantly, the infinity stones. All the leading heroes get another movie except Hulk, which I think is fucked up. I loved the introduction of the Falcon and his super-suit. After watching the trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy, I was confused as to why this movie was part of the Marvel movie world. This movie introduced us to these fun characters (Gamora, Groot, Rocket, and Quill) and the infinity stones, which is a significant trend in all the films. I also think Guardians is the most comedic of all the movies in phases one and two. We are introduced to Ant-Man as well.
Age of Ultron was my favorite movie in this phase. This movie is where I realized the strong dislike, on the verge of hatred, of Tony Stark. He is still unable to check his ego and arrogance, has no idea how to be part of a team, and thinks his way is always the best. He created Ultron, which caused all hell to break loose. They introduced Wanda and Pietro, the fantastic super twins. Pietro, who is super quick and Wanda who has the power of mind control and telepathy. Nat and Hulk start a romance, we see Barton’s family, and Jarvis forms into a physical being. All the makings of a great movie.
I FULLY HATE TONY STARK! This phase begins with Civil War, where our heroes divide on whether they should be under government control or be allowed to govern themselves. Iron Man and Captain America are on different sides. During the scene of deliberation on the ACCORDS, Tony does not feel the need to listen or consider the opposing side but feels he knows what is best for all the Avengers - another reason to HATE Tony. This movie introduces Black Panther and Spider-Man as well. This “new” Spider-Man really shocked me because I have seen the Spider-Man films with Tobey McGuire, and this new guy is entirely different from those films, but the new guy grew on me. Civil War ends with our heroes still on different sides, and ultimately the Avengers are split up.
In the next five movies, they introduce many more characters and our most crucial villain, Thanos. We learn about Doctor Strange and Black Panther, get into Spider-Man’s story along with his father/son relationship with Tony Stark, find out where Hulk has been, and get into Thor and Quill’s family drama. Basically, we prepare for one of the greatest battles that our great heroes face in Infinity War.
In Infinity War, ALL OUR HEROES COME TOGETHER. Every hero character from every movie we have watched before this movie comes together to fight the greatest villain of all, Thanos. They fight (some to the dead) to keep Thanos from getting all the infinity stone but (spoiler alert) they fail. Thanos wipes out 50% of the universe, and we lose some of our heroes as well.
Then years later, they fight Thanos again, but this time with Captain Marvel and The Wasp in Endgame. They win, and our heroes return. Endgame was a great movie, but it left me with a lot of questions.
The Marvel bug has bitten me. I am in love with these movies. I am super excited about the upcoming Marvel movies that I will come out in the future. Like I was saying on my Instagram stories, I have much more love for Stan Lee and Marvel Studios than ever before. Rest in Peace to Stan.
Speaking of Instagram stories, go check out my Instagram page @simply_shasha_ to check out the highlight stories reel of my reactions and commentary to the marvel movies.
We have all heard about love languages. Ever since Gary Chapman's book "The 5 Love Languages came out, there have been many articles around the subject. If you have been living under a rock, here is an image of the five love languages and how you can identify yours. If you would like a more detailed report, you can refer to Gary Chapman's website and take the five love language quiz.
I have taken the love language quiz, and thanks to therapy have even figured out the reasoning behind my top love language. Love languages, like many other behaviors, are defined by our parents and upbringing. If you were hugged and kissed a lot as a kid, maybe physical touch is your top love language, or if your parents showered you with gifts, perhaps receiving gifts is your love language. In any case, it is crucial to understand your love language, so if/when you enter a relationship, you can best communicate how you feel and express love to your partner.
Whenever I have begun a relationship with someone, I have communicated my love language with them and asked theirs to understand them better and improve our relationship. I am in a relationship now, and this is the first time I have struggled with my partner's love language. My partner's top love language is one of my lowest love languages.
As you can see, my top love language is Acts of Service. I love it when my partner does things for me that would make my life easier. Examples would be washing the car, doing the dishes, folding the clothes, etc. I LOVE THAT SHIT. It is also the way I express love. So by cooking for my partner, helping them organize their closet, making the bed are the ways I show them that I love them.
My BF top love language is physical touch, which, as you can see, is my second lowest language. He loves to cuddle, kiss, and hold hands, and sometimes that is just the opposite of what I want to do. As an introvert, I sometimes need my space or want to sit on the other side of the couch and read my magazine or watch tv with no interruptions. That does not always work for my boyfriend, and that is when we have to compromise and make more of an effort to communicate in each other's love languages.
When I cook for him, I am showing that I love him and know he appreciates it, but he is not going to feel the same amount of love as when I cuddle with him while watching a movie. The same way I won't feel that same amount of love when we are cuddling that I would feel when he takes out the trash and washes my car.
Knowing your partner's love language is so important because it's like a cheat sheet in how to make your partner feel the most loved by you, AND it shows you are making an effort to do so.
So when I get in bed, I love being on my phone (I know I KNOW blue light. Whatever) scrolling through social media, reading news articles, etc. but I know this that could be prime cuddle time for my BF so I try to remember that and put my phone down. I cuddle with him until he falls asleep (he ALWAYS goes asleep before me), and then I go back to my phone once he is sleeping.
That is just one of the many examples that we work on trying to communicate in the other person's love language while still appreciating how the other person shows love.
My boyfriend and I want our relationship to continue to go well, and I think we are taking some significant steps.
What do ya'll think?
Do you still dream? I recently realized I stopped.
We often tell children to follow their dreams. However, as adults, we start to feel like we have outgrown that advice. Responsibilities show up, we start to get practical, and those dreams seem foolish.
My parents' generation were not dreamers but practical providers. They worked the same job for 40 or 50 years — even if they hated it — to provide for their family. There is nothing wrong with this mentality, but millennials are different.
Millennials are following their dreams while finding new ways and paths to follow them. Once to become a model, you needed to get discovered through an official modeling agency, but now with enough Instagram followers and engagements, you can become a high fashion model. Creating alternative paths to success makes dreams seem more accessible than ever before.
When I was a kid, I loved to dream. I would create scrapbooks of the life I wanted from the career to the car, house, and even clothes. After graduating from college, I realized how hard it would be to make those dreams come true. I struggled and became discouraged. I started to accept and appreciate where I was in life instead of focusing on some stupid dream I had when I was a kid.
I recently read an article in Psychology Today that talks about the “problem” with following your dreams as an adult. The article states that people who choose to follow their dreams as adults are being selfish and will abandon all responsibilities to follow a “purpose” they have. It also states those who do not have a purpose — it should say who has not found their purpose yet — are sheep or some people are just interested in many multiple things and don’t have one purpose.
I related to this article because I understood the perspective. Some people easily find their purpose and passion early in life, while some take time to find. It is also fine having more than one passion. These things do not mean you have no purpose or passion, but you have not found it yet, and that is also OK.
I read another article written by a professor for the College of Adult and Graduate Studies of Colorado Christian University. His article takes a more balanced approach to adults who are following their dreams. The professor advises NOT to give up everything but to make some sacrifices toward following your dreams. These sacrifices can include going out less if you are studying for graduate school, networking if you are trying to break into a new industry, and surrounding yourself with people who support your dream and possibly removing those who are negative.
The professor reminds the reader, there is no perfect time to follow your dream, and it will be tough, but so is the reader. The professor also reminds the reader that your dream and purpose are whatever you want them to be. There is nothing wrong if your passion is to become a great writer, a fashion model, a podcaster, or an amazing stay at home who raises amazing kids.
Pursuing your dream is about making a life you would love living.
It is important to appreciate what you currently have in life, but there is nothing wrong with dreaming about the life you want and putting some feet on that dream and making it a goal. It’s about balance.
One of my biggest fears is ending up being a co-star in someone else’s dream that I didn’t want but settle for because I didn’t know what my dream was. (That is how one of my relationships ended, but that’s another blog post.)
I am going to start dreaming again and thinking about what I am passionate about, what I want my life to look like, and how I can make that possible.
What are some of your dreams? Share them with me!
I’ve decided that I will start blogging again since we are all quarantined. This Coronavirus is crazy and people are just not taking it as seriously as they need to but I will keep that rant to myself and my Twitter account.
We are on week 4 of The End of The World and during this time I’ve been thinking a lot about how grateful my situation is.
I am reading and seeing many articles about the rise in unemployment, people worrying about being homeless, people not being able to go home and see their loved ones, and it is during those moments I must thank God for the blessings he has given me.
My full-time job is still operational, we are working from home and I am still making my salary and commission. I am currently (knock on wood) able to continue to pay bills and provide food for myself. I do not have any other dependents to worry about it. I do miss my family in SC, and I wish that I could go see them, but I know that it is best for me to #StayHome and quarantine.
In the times when my anxiety is through the roof, it humbles me and brings me back to remember how grateful I am and should continue to be. I must remember to not take my blessings lightly. To be thankful to all the essential workers who are exposing themselves every day, so we have our deliveries, our food, our waste managed, and everything else.
A few things this situation has made me realize are
Yesterday (Oct 2nd), I read an article on Snapchat from Cosmopolitan magazine about a new dating trend called “Zombie-ing”.
Zombie-ing is when someone
This has happened to me before, but I had no idea there was a name for it. Cosmo gives tips on how to deal with zombies when they pop back into your life, so you should definitely go check it out.
Hours after reading this article, a zombie popped into my iMessage. See below then we will review.
Some background on this zombie:
I meet the zombie on Tinder in June. We hung out like 3 times and hooked up twice out of those 3 times, both times at my place. Not really sure why I was ghosted. I texted and called with no response. I put him in the ghost category and moved on.
As you can see, I have not talked to the zombie since July (remember it is October).
He gave me this bullshit excuse that he “thought” he lost my number as the reason I have not heard from him since July. This also shows that my number was most likely not saved on his phone since he had to ask who he was texting.
He offers an empty pleasantry “How you been” without waiting for my response then says he wants to ask me a question.
He then asks…
“CAN YOU HELP ME WITH MY HOUSING SITUATION IF I HELP YOU WITH YOUR RENT FOR A WHILE?”
Now, this is where I got confused. I read this question about 3 or 4 times because it sounded like he was asking to move in with me. However, it makes no sense to ask someone you haven’t spoken to in like 3 months to move in with them. Right??
And he pitched this idea as if it is mutually beneficial to all parties. I like living by myself and am very fortunate to be able to pay my rent without a struggle. This idea only benefits him as he is the one in need of help with his housing situation. I live in a one-bedroom apartment. Where is he going to sleep? Not in my bed and you are not about to take over my living room and sleep on my couch.
If I had a two-bedroom apartment, this ask would make a lot more sense but the answer would still be the same because of who is doing the asking.
My best friend pointed out that the zombie must be really desperate to ask a woman he hooked up with 3 months ago and have not talked to since to live with her. While the desperation does make me feel bad for his situation, the answer is still an unapologetic, unmoving, and unequivocal NO!
The question is how to respond.
I want to be nosey and get more details on the situation. The last time I spoke with him, he was living with his mother so I’m not sure if the mama kicked him out or a girlfriend or homeboy and also why.
Or to be petty and send him a list of homeless shelters that can take him or dog shelters that take strays.
Or just tell him no and that it is fucked up that he hasn’t talked to me in months with no explanation but expect me to give him shelter.
Or just not respond at all.
I don’t know. What do y’all think I should do?
I hope you enjoyed my story of the zombie who asked to live with me and come back next week for more content.
So this just happened to me.
Picture it. Raleigh, NC. July 2019. Lunchtime
I usually enjoy my lunch on the balcony sitting area at my job. It's cool, I can the sounds of the fountain, and I am usually the only one out there so, I enjoy the peace. I had my handfuls full with my bowl of salad, my one slice of pizza on a plate, a bottle of water, and whatever else. One of my coworkers walks by, sees me struggling, and stops to ask, “Are you going outside? I can hold the door for you”. I immediately respond, “No. I'm ok”. The coworker assumed I wasn't going outside and walked away.
BUT I WAS GOING OUTSIDE!!!!
Why did I tell him I wasn’t? Why could I not let him hold the door? What is wrong with me?
As I continued to think about what happened, I realized I have done this before. If my tire is flat on the side of the road, I can change it myself and will. Family members and kind strangers have offered help, but I’ve always said, “No. I got it”.
I fell into depression back in 2017 because I refuse to ask for help or let people know that I was struggling.
Since that depression, I have worked with a therapist to find out how this behavior formed and how I can mend it. We realized that being raised by a single mother who I did not see ask for help, I adopted that same model. As the oldest sibling – like most oldest siblings – I felt the need to be the more responsible one who could not come to my parent with a bunch of problems. As I child, I never came to my mother with the problem but with the solution to the problem because I would find a way to solve the problem myself.
There have been times in my adolescent life where I did ask for help, and the parent (mainly my father) or person I asked made me feel like it was a burden or that help came with a lecture shaming me about the situation that had me asking in the first place. So eventually I stopped asking for help altogether, struggling and sacrificing to figure it out all on my own.
Do you see how this issue formed?
I am not blaming my mother. She was the best mother to my sister and I. I love that she taught me strength and independence, but I may have gone overboard with the execution of the lesson. Asking tor help is not a weakness, but a strength.
My therapist said in cultures or families where “asking for help” was not an option it is very easy to teach or show the children of the following generation to not ask for help. This is not because “asking for help” is a bad thing but because they never had the privilege of doing so and they don’t know the benefits.
With help from my therapist, I have been able to work through come issues of asking for and accepting help when I need something from family or friends without breaking down into a pool of emotions over the fact that I need help in the first place. However, this is an issue I struggle with a lot because of my past experiences and traumas. You can’t expect to unlearn practices you have done your whole life in such a short time.
Do any of you have issues asking for help? What practices have you done to get better at asking and accepting help?
A few days ago, I saw a post on one of my favorite Instagram accounts @blacklovedoc. They are a “hub for couple and single looking to build community & conversations around healthy relationships” according to their Insta bio. I love going to their page and looking at the many beautiful black love post.
This week, they posted a concept from Twitter that was brought up by @saneevanee.
@saneevanee (Vanè) followed this tweet explaining because of an increase in divorce rates, marriage licenses should expire, and couples should have the option to not renew the license. She suggests the license should expire every 3 to 4 years and renewal cost between $40 - $90.
This is an interesting concept to introduce. I agree not all marriages work out and marriage has various meanings for different people. People and situations can change within 3 to 4 years. Instead of spending the average $30,000 and countless hours in court, it would save time and coin to decide not to renew the marriage license.
Many disagreed commenting marriage is a commitment with someone through the good and bad times as said in the vows, not a business. Someone stated that marriage is a business because the license is a piece of paper that allows you to files joint taxes, join bank account and other legal aspects like joining debt; and the commitment piece does not require a marriage license. Other brought up religious views, children and families, and other pros and cons of this concept.
The facts are divorce rates are not going up, but the number of millennials getting married is going down. According to an article in Good Housekeeping, divorce rates have decreased by 18% from 2008 to 2016. The number for the US divorce rate is about 32% (3.2 per 1000 people). The data shows that there is a decline in millennial marriage. We are choosing to wait longer to get married and become more established and stable, which is leading to fewer divorce risks and possibly rates as well.
I think that Vanè’s concept could work with some adjustments. I think this process should include couple counseling. For those choosing not to renew, the counseling would be like an exit interview. This counseling would consist of evaluating the decision not to renew, what are the plans moving forward, and options for additional individual therapy for any family members that need it.
For those deciding to renew their marriage, I think it would be beneficial to go to counseling every 3 to 4 years. As mentioned early, a lot can happen in 3 to 4 years. This would be an opportunity to voice concerns, needs you feel aren’t being fulfilled or working on any other issues. This would be a safe space to review the last 3 to 4 years to reflect on the good, the bad, and talk about goals for the next 3 to 4 years.
Whether you agree or disagree with me or Vanè, I think this concept is an interesting conversational topic to discuss with those who are single (like me), married, in relationships, engaged or divorced.
I would love to hear your opinion!!! Do you agree? Disagree? Want to add some adjustment of your own? Comment below and continue the conversation!!!
Over the last week, people have been getting very upset about their fairy tales.
I first noticed when it was reported that Malissa MacArthur was to be cast as Ursula in the Little Mermaid live-action remark. I was shocked to see how upset people were on Twitter that they did not cast a black person. In the animated movie, Ursula was a purple octopus woman and was inspired by a popular white drag queen named Divine. The real injustice is Ursula should have been played by a drag queen, but we all know Disney is not about to let that rock.
Honestly, if you think Ursula should be black because she was a loud plus size villainous woman; you need to check yourself as to why you associate that with black women.
The next outrage came when Halle Bailey was cast as Ariel. Apparently (according to racist white people), Ariel MUST be white because mermaids can't be black. These people should also remember THIS IS A FAIRY TALE and MERMAIDS ARE NOT REAL. This is a fictional story, and mermaids can be any color they want. Ursula was purple, and Triton was more orange than Trump. The racists have started a petition (which won’t do any good) to keep their favorite princess white. Also, one of Ariel’s sisters in the animated movies as indeed black.
I believe those people who are holding the idea of Ariel being a redhead can still have that. No one is taking the animated movie away from you. If you were a red-headed child and was mesmerized that a Disney princess was a magical mermaid with red hair like you; what does it hurt for you share that with a little black girl?
The last outrage that I have seen this week is over the new live-action Mulan movie trailer.
Honestly, I saw the trailer for the movie and thought it looked nice and was excited to see it. I was interested to see how the Asian community felt about the trailer. This is their culture, and legendary real-life story (unlike the whites and the little mermaid) and I wanted to make sure it did not offend them.
The trailer receives positive reviews from the Asian community that it would not include Mushu and Shang and possibly many of the musical numbers to focus on the original story of Hua Mulan, who takes her father’s place in the army disguised as a man.
People were upset about the removal of the characters and music from the live-action film because they feel this would mean that many of their favorite scenes from the animated movie won't be in the live-action remake and the story would be completely different.
This could be a GREAT thing. Disney has re-imaged many of the original fairy tales to create the animated ones you love so much. They clearly know what they are doing. If they want to keep the story of Hua Mulan authentic and create a dope ass feminist movie, then I am all for it.
I am excited to see the live-action remakes of the Disney animated classics. I have enjoyed all the previous ones I’ve seen. If the race of the characters is important to the story line or culture of the story, then we can petition and boycott if they mess it up. If not, get on Amazon and order the animated movie you love. No one is saying you can’t continue to love the original but let people of color enjoy these remakes. We deserve.
With the announcement of new live-action remake of Disney animated classics, many people were in their feeling about casting and re-imagining of the films. I share what that happened this week and my opinions this week. Enjoy.
The topic of wealthy black people giving back came up multiple times this week. It started with a video I saw of Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley on Oprah in 2005. Barkley told a story of Jordan swatting his hand when he tried to give money to a homeless person. The theory being that if he can ask for change, he can ask for a job application and work. We will not discuss that theory today, but it did make me think about the issues others have when someone does or does not give back.
This week #BlackCoffee on BET posed the questioned, “Are wealthy black people obligated to give back to the community?”. The panel had many opinions along with Laverne Cox’s statement, “It is rude to tell people what to do with their money.” A statement that I 100% agree with. Wealthy black people are not obligated to give back to their community, but I do think they should. Their contributions do not need to be publicized or be financial.
We have seen celebrities, and wealthy black people give generously to various charities, and there is almost always celebrations from the black community. During the 2017 hurricane season, we saw many celebrities get on social media and post about the x amount of dollars they donated. We also saw some challenging their peers or making it a competition as to who could give more because they "Got It Like That." While these acts benefit the charities themselves, it can also hesitate others from posting their donations as they fear of being shamed if the internet thinks they could have given more. A prime example would be, Kendrick Lamar buying his sister a new Toyota Camry for graduation back in 2017 and the internet was upset because he “should” have gotten her something fancier. I must refer to back to Laverne Cox’s statement again.
This could be the reason celebrities don't always announce and post their charitable efforts because they don’t want criticism. We also must remember giving back does not always mean giving money. You can give your time, your space, or your influence to better the community. Our community needs to celebrate all charity efforts from the cutting of checks to mentioning of social issues. All of these can affect our community and bring positive changes.
When it comes to giving back to the community, I think we all - wealthy or not - should do it. It does not always take money or power just a kind heart. You should not tell other people what to do with their money or resources, especially if you aren’t doing the same with yours or you aren’t 100% sure that they aren’t contributing in some way. Start or continue to support the organizations and charities that you believe in and make the changes you can.
Come one! Come All! As I tell you about my date with a MF Trump Supporter!
Some backstory for you: I am on the dating apps and going on dates with the plan to continue all through summer. This guy was from Tinder, and I plainly have in my Tinder bio “NO TRUMP SUPPORTERS!!”. I do not want or need to align with someone who aligns themselves with the orange monster.
I have talked to this guy on Tinder for a few days, and we decided to meet up at a bar for a drink on Wednesday night. The date is going well. He is telling me about his many businesses, his love for his family, his Nigerian background and upbringing (yes, he is BLACK.). We are flirting, laughing, and having a good ole time. UNTIL…
He asks, “Are you a Democrat or a Republican?”
I say, “While I do not label myself as either.”
He quickly interjects.“You are the reason Trump won”.
I quickly clarify, “Hold up! While I do not label myself as either, I do lean more toward democratic ideals, and I absolutely did not vote for that monster.” I need to make sure NO ONE is out here thinking I’m on that Stacey Dash bullshit.
He asks, “Why didn’t you vote for Trump?"
Now at this point, I am thinking this question is dumb because there are so many reasons, but I list, “He is a womanizer, racist, transphobic, homophobic, and a downright…”
Before I can finish, he interrupts, “That is just his personality. He is a businessman. I am a businessman. I voted for him because of the tax break. I get the biggest tax breaks because of him.”
At this point, I am sitting in shock and disbelief because HE VOTED FOR TRUMP!
This immigrant (legal or not) black man voted for a man who during his election campaign told us he would restrict immigrants just like he and his big ass Nigerian family and voted for him anyway because of A FUCK TAX BREAK!
The fact that you voted for Trump back in 2016 for whatever fuck ass reason, after the last 3 years you still feel comfortable telling people you did. After the travel ban on countries with a “proven history of terrorism AND, after he is ripping immigrant children from their parents and sticking the children in cages. AFTER ALL OF THAT, you still want to rep this non-nigga. GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!
After he confessed that, I looked at my phone, “Wow! It’s getting so late. I should really get home because I have to work tomorrow”. Then I left.
I was shocked! The date was going so well until he wanted to rep his set. This is a lesson that Trump supporters come in all forms, and I must stay vigilant and keep my energy pure.
He texted me Thursday morning to say he had fun. I let him that I was having fun until I found out he voted for Trump. He said we could continue to get to know each other but not talk about religion or politics. I replied No because you Voting for that monster for a tax break means that you care more about money than people and that is all I need to know.
Y'all pray for me in this world of dating. Being single is ruff. I need a BAE to take me from these incompetent niggas.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.