Many people have suffered events that made us feel helpless. Whether it is a breakup, losing a job, a loved one, or being hurt by someone that you thought never would. In situations that are hard to get past or get over, the problem could be that you let out all of the emotions.
We all think of the things we would say if we ever saw that person again or just had the courage to say those word out loud. It is time to stop the over thinking and take out the pen and paper.
Letter writing is common exercise, seen in many sitcoms when writing angry letters but can also be very helpful when trying to heal past wounds. Some call this Transactional Writing but I like to call them Release Letters. These letters are an emotional exchange of ideas and thoughts to someone else. The idea is to take the thoughts that are taking up space and circling your mind and transfer them to paper as a release.
I wrote a release letter recently (like right before I started this blog post). I have wanted to have a real and honest conversation with the person for a while and honestly I needed to talk about many of the topics in my letter 10 years ago.
I realized, if I didn’t heal these wounds I would never be about to get past the situation and start over with them. I cried as I wrote the letter, it was cathartic. I felt a weight being lifted after I read it back to myself and decided that I will actually send it to them.
The elements to a release letter are:
• Purpose and Audience
Although you may not send the letter, you still need to consider your audience. Is this a friend, family member, significant other? You also need to define what you are writing about so that you can get all of your thoughts out on that topic. Identify if you are seeking compassion, forgiveness, empathy or an apology.
• Unfiltered Honesty
This is not the time for manners or protocol. This is a moment for you to be 100% honest about your feelings and your experience. I would recommend writing whatever comes to your mind – no matter what. You need to get all those emotions on the page.
• To Send or Not Sent
As you begin this journey, you may think “I would never send this” but after writing your honest feelings down and reading them back you may change your mind. It doesn’t matter if you send the letter what matters is you wrote it.
What you do with your release letter is up to you. I have read articles of people keeping them to read again during hard time or people burning them (safely of course) as a release. I hope that you write a letter to someone or yourself to release emotions so that you can heal too.
With Valentine’s Day right around the corner and many couples planning dates, what can a single person do to enjoy the day?
PLENTY OF STUFF!!!
This day should not be a day of torture or shame to those who are single. With every store covered in red and pink and all the media attention, this can be a lot on the mental space of a single person. Here a few do’s and don’ts for my single family.
1. DO Love Yourself
Today is the day of love so remember to love yourself. Have a self-care day. Try that mask or bath bomb you have been trying to make time for. Take this day to treat yourself the queen you are.
2. DO Plan a Night Out/In with your Friends
Not having a significant other does not mean you don’t have love in your life. Call up besties and plan something fun to do together. Go out and party or do a fun activity together to make the night pass by.
3. DO Send Love
Take it back to elementary school and send valentine cards to your friends and family. I will make you feel good to make someone else smile if only for a sec. And if are Pinterest savvy, you can make some cute DIY cards for them too.
4. DO Read/Watch Movies
Go on a Netflix binge (sorry Monique) and watch all your favorite movies or take out a good book. Get lost in a world of fantasy, love and adventure.
5. DO Try Something New
This would be a great to pick up a new hobby and expand your mind. If there was a dish, or class you have always wanted to try, try it now. You can get into your creative side and be inspired to great something amazing.
Now let’s get into some DONTS
1. DON’T Call Your Exes
You will regret Feb 15th, I promise. Remember that they are your exes for a reason and you broke up for a reason.
2. DON’T Compare Your Situation with Someone Else
Your journey is custom made for you. You should not wish to have someone else’s because it was not made for you and it may not fit your life. Enjoy your journey.
3. Don’t Throw a Pity Party
This is not the time to drown yourself in sorrows with your vices. You only feel worse than you need to. Pitying yourself will not make you feel any better. Pick your head up, boo!
Its Just Wednesday!!!
Remember that you are amazing and you have plenty of people who love you. Not being in a relationship, should not be a reason for you to be sad. It’s just like any other Wednesdays, you will get over this hump and get on with your week. Just in time for the Black Panther premiere.
Picture it. Dollar General, 2018 (I really hope you got that reference)
I am standing in line and in front of me stood a couple; a man and a woman. The woman has her hands full of items, while the man stands behind her with nothing in his hands. As the attendant rings up the items and the woman pays for them. The man reaches toward a carousel of snacks and picks up a $3 hot sausage. He taps the woman on the shoulder and asks her “Can I get this?”
As I watched this interaction, a few questions crossed my mind: “Why is he asking her this?“ “Is she his personal trainer?”; “Can he not afford it and expects her to buy this for him?” “Is she going to cuss him out right here or wait until later?”
This made me think of all the stories I hear and read about women not knowing and understanding their value. Someone once said, “If you don’t value yourself, you will always be attracted to people who don’t value you either.” I have seen this statement ring true so many times.
Women are very valuable creatures. We literally bring life into the world. We have started wars and ended feuds. Not to mention the individual qualities we have that make us even more phenomenal. Diamonds are extremely valuable, the average person has to work months and/or years to get one because of the because of their strength and uniqueness. Think of women as the same.
There are so many women who are with partners who do not value or respect them but are with them anyway, just for the idea of having someone. It's not the woman’s fault. Society makes women think to have a perfect life and bring their life meaning, they should be dating or married. Elderly women often ask women in the 20 and 30, “When are you going to get married? Have kids? You know you aren’t getting any younger?” Until this perfectly beautiful and intelligent young woman is asking herself those same questions and lowering the bar for potential partners until she literally will take anyone with a pulse. This is a dangerous mindset to have.
Wendy Raquel Robinson’s character on “Two Can Play That Game” (I know…I know, just follow me.) was a beautiful woman with a good job and lovely friends who met a broke man with a jerry curl and crooked teeth who was only good at one thing – if you know what I mean. She dated him, gave him a makeover and bought him new teeth and he started to show his behind by not treating her the way she deserved. Her character refuses to leave him, because of all the time and energy put into that relationship. Relationships like this cause a “Ring The Alarm” situation.
Nothing bad happens to you if you are not married by the age of 30. God doesn’t spite you, and you don’t turn into a frog. As long as you are happy, everything else will work itself out.
I am not saying that being in a relationship and being married are bad things. I am saying, be in those relationships with people who respect and value you. When you know who you are and the qualities about yourself that make you amazing and would make anyone in the world lucky as hell to have you in their life; you know your value. With that, comes the ease to spot out and reject those who don’t, and the confidence to demand exceptional treatment.
When you are single and your life is on 9/10 and someone comes along and stresses you and annoys you until your life is now a 6, it's nothing to tell that person to get out and resume your life at a 9/10. But when you never figured out who you are by yourself and the greatness in that, you will always look for someone else to fulfill your happiness and increase your value.
Women the most valuable and influential people on this planet. History has shown men jumping through hoops and fighting for the attention of women. All women should DEMAND the respect we deserve for the value we have; and only allow those who do to inhabit our amazingness.