Last weekend, I had a conversation about insecurities. I was talking to a teen about how they often feel insecure about their body, their looks, and other things in general. My heart was breaking; hearing them talk about the things they did not like about themselves, not just because they were simply beautiful but because I could relate to their pain.
I remember being a chubby teenager and not liking so many things about my life. I wanted a thinner body, I wanted to have more money, and I wanted popularity in school. When I think back, I had no reason for these insecurities. I may not have had everything I wanted, but I always had everything I needed, I had friends and family who loved me, and although I was chubby, I was healthy and that is what is important.
Hindsight is always 20/20. Obviously as a teenager, I was not thinking of any of this.
We live in a social media society, where people post only the highlights of their lives. We only post the perfect picture – not the millions of others in our phone without the perfect angle, filter and/or FaceTune. We only post the raises and promotions – not the work fails or job loss. We see these amazing moments in other people’s lives and often compare them to our own.
An article on Psychology Today states the three common causes of insecurity are personal rejection/failure, lack of confidence and a need for perfectionism. 60% of people using social media reported that it has affected their self-esteem in a negative way¹.
We must remember, we are all human and we all face rejections and failures. You should not feel embarrassed if you hit a bump in the road – job loss, financial setback, breakup, etc. You can take lessons from it and apply it to the future. You should allow yourself time to heal from it, get honest feedback from someone you trust, make new realistic goals (if necessary) , and move forward. Do not be afraid if you need to talk with someone about how this rejection or failure made you feel or if you need help on how to process it.
No one is confidence all the time. There are days I am insecure about my weight but on those days, I focus on what I do love about myself. I started this practice in high school. I would look at myself in the mirror every day, and even on the days I did not like what I saw, I would name one thing that I did like about myself. Some days this was not easy and some days I was only naming things that were internal, but I would name something. This practice allows me to have a laundry list of things I love about me, so on the days where I am not a fan of one; I have a long list of others. There are days you have to “Fake it ‘Til You Make It.” Listen to some Beyoncé, Cardi B, or Nicki Minaj, channel you inner Bad Bitch, and strut with your head held high because you are a QUEEN.
Perfection is a relative term. Your perfect life is most likely not my perfect life. Your path to success is not my path. We are all different and while we may wish for the “perfect” life of someone else, we must remember that life is not for us. Instead of focusing on what we don’t have, be grateful for what you have and enjoy the journey of getting to where you want to be. It’s not all or nothing; enjoy your gray area of life while you have them.
Insecurities are a part of life; we all have them at some point even if we try to hide them. Remember that most of social media is only the highlight reel of someone’s life; not the whole thing. We all have really good days and really bad days. Be grateful for what you do have, enjoy the journey that you are on and find happiness in all the little things.
My relationship with church and God has changed several times in my life. I am a Christian and like many Christians (whether they admit it or not) I have gone through experiences of doubt and not attending church services.
When I was kid, I attended church service every Sunday including 9 am Sunday School before service as well. Our church service was not 4-5 hours long, like some churches (no shade) and we did not attend multiple church services in the afternoon or bible study every Wednesday. However, my mother and grandmother did make sure we (my sisters and I) were heavily involved in church activities. We were a part of the children’s choir, YPD (Young People’s Division), praise team, usher board, and many other church activities. These activities were not always voluntary, but whatever my mother and grandmother felt was good for us.
When I got to middle/high school, I started working for the church as the church secretary assistant. I would announce all church meetings and activities during service, helped with payroll and programs, and anything else the church needed me to do. I was unlike other teenager who may have been defiant of the church. I steered into it.
Right before I went to college, my family lost two of our members. These unexpected and tragic losses happened within 6 months of each other; both members were young. When I went to college, I stopped going to church all together. With my small taste of freedom, there was no one to make me go – like when I was a kid – and I was not working for or with a church, so I had no obligation to go.
I honestly was upset with God; my family was experiencing so much pain, and I could not understand why He would do this to us. I went to church, and many people would say it's going to be ok, everything happens for a reason, and other common church sayings but I did not want to hear that at all. I wanted answers from God himself, not false hopes and narratives from other members. I stopped going to church and talking to God. I felt that since I wasn’t going to church, He wouldn’t want to talk to me or hear me.
I realized (not sure when or where), that I do not need to go to church to have an open conversation with God. Being a Christian does not mean you attend church every Sunday (some would disagree.). I would talk to God often; not in a formal manner but very much like I am talking to my best friend (minus a few words). I started to think that I didn’t need to go to church. I talked to God when I felt like it by myself, played gospel music and had praise break by myself, and felt that my personal relationship with God was enough.
Now I am starting to realize, while the personal relationship I have with God is amazing and beneficial, having a community that loves God as much as you do is an amazing feeling as well. The vibe (if you are in the right space for you) of having people who have experienced the amazing blessings of God and loves Him like you do, is great for your spiritual renewal. I have attended church the last few Sundays and I love the way I feel after service.
If you are experiencing doubt, just know you are not alone, and God will be there when and if you are ready to go back. If you are on a church hiatus, remember that you can have amazing conversation with your God wherever you are. He is everywhere, He is listening, and He loves you!
* This blog is from a Christian prospective. I respect all religions and denominations. All are welcome on this blog. (No Trump Supporter tho!)
Hey Ya’ll!! I’m back once again! So much has happened since I have last blogged back in December. So, I moved again (yea, I know.) but I really think I am going to stay here for a while. I am working for a good company, with amazing growth and career opportunities, and good pay and benefits. I have an apartment that I have decorated to make into a home for myself. This is a new chapter.
Someone stole my car. They stole it from my old apartment complex in early March. They found it! She needs a lot of work, though. She needs detailing, new paint, and a lot of other things before I can get her back but long story short, hopefully, Fiona is coming home. (Fiona is the name of my car, if that wasn’t clear.)
Being that this is a new chapter for me, I want to do better and start/continue better hobbies and practices to become a better person creatively, mentally, intellectually, and socially. This was on a list of journal prompts that I saw on my Pinterest timeline and really got me thinking on what are some things that I not only want to do more of but need to, as well.
1. BLOG MORE
So, as you know, my consistency with this blog has lacked. I honestly have so many blog topics that I want to write about and share with you on my phone and in notebooks, but I have not dedicated the time to sitting my ass down and writing. I am scheduling a time and day for like 60 to 90 minutes to writing so that I can crank out content. I love exercising my creative side and blogging helps me do that. I want to feel that feeling more.
2. COOK MORE
Between driving for the interviews, packing then moving, I have eaten out TOO MUCH! Once you start eating out all the time, it is hard to stop that habit because it is so delicious. I want to start cooking at home more because its cost-effective, it will help boost my cooking skills, and healthier. I have looked up easy to medium recipes for dishes that I like. I am thinking of doing a stew beef next week. YUM! I will post my cooking journey on Insta.
3. READ MORE
When I was unpacking my books to put them on my mantel, I realized I had started so many of the books and have not finished most of them. I’m trying to take 30 mins before I go to bed to read but it is so hard; since I have already done my nightly routine and I'm tired by the time I get in the bed.
4. MORE SELF CARE DAYS
Finding time for yourself is almost impossible. Committing the time to do the first three things on this list will be difficult but I cannot forget about making time for myself. I’m not thinking of anything big but just something like a nice bubble bath, a face mask, or an at-home pedicure. Just something that will put a smile on my face. 😊
5. GO OUT MORE
One of the lessons, I learned from living in Columbia is going out more and meeting new people. When I lived in Raleigh before, I became a hermit because I never went out to meet new people. I have downloaded apps like Eventbrite, Meetup, and Events in City, to find events in the area. I am going to a make an effect to force myself to leave my house and go to events for at least an hour or two. I am going to an adult Easter egg hunt on Saturday. More to come…
I am very excited (and nervous) about the new chapter in my life. I want this to be a good experience and everything God blessed it My last time in Raleigh did not end on a positive note and I want to take the lessons I have learned from the last time I was here and apply them to know. I believe in the blessings that are my way.