I am not sure when his happened but somehow being blindly loyal to someone is somehow the requirement, the standard, the goal. I am completely confused about why.
This statement only pertains to women. There is an expectation to stay with men and “hold them down” through all the bullshit - jail, baby mammas, cheating, whatever they through at us. All the while, men have no expectation of loyalty to us?? They can leave if we don’t look the way they want, if we don’t say what they want, if we cheat, if we go to jail. The biggest double standard.
I went to a rap concert last weekend, and the rapper asked “Where my ladies at that would hold their nigga down if they went to jail?” Now my squad and I were silent because we don’t do that, but the number of women in the crowd who yelled and confirmed their position amazed me. I did not know we were still subscribing to that this close to 2019.
Chris Brown’s hit song, “Loyal” coined the phrase for the common Ain’t Shit Nigga “These Hoe’s Ain’t Loyal.” While considering the song is a bop; can we really blame the said hoes? I mean if look at Chris Brown’s life during the time of the single. Karrueche had left him after multiple rumors of cheating, spotting him on TV with Rihanna at Christmas while they were together, and the birth of beautiful baby Royalty. I mean Karrueche had been “loyal” through so much bullshit and disrespect until she finally had enough.
It always amazes that men will call women disloyal and wonder why she didn’t hold him down when they have continuously disrespected her. The answer is right in front of you. As my Aunt Pam would say “If it was a snake, it would have bitten you.”
As the title of this blog post indicates, I do not subscribe to loyalty. At least not blind loyalty. I believe that we should base the strength of an alliance on the level mutual respect and the benefits of the relationship. This is not only for a romantic relationship but any relationship – friendship, business, and family members. If there is not mutual respect and benefits, there is no relationship. The benefits do not need to have monetary or superficial value. It could be that they make you laugh, they support you in dark times, they watch your kids for free, or they just simply make you happy. The mutual respect is also an important key because everyone in the relationship need to respect each other while exchanging the benefits.
For example, if our relationship is romantic and we agree to only be with each other and make each other laugh. Then don’t disrespect me by being with other women and making them laugh because at the end of this example, my ass ain’t laughing no more.
For family relationships, the respect key can often be lost because you feel obligated to do things because they are your family. Your family still needs to respect the time or energy it takes to do the things asked of you and in the same token respect those times when you cannot, whatever the reason is. This applies to friendships as well.
I am not telling you to stop going to visit your boyfriend in jail, or not to forgive your man after he cheated for the 6th time, but I am asking that you step back and ask yourself “Am I being respected and what the benefit of this relationship is?”
For my readers, I want you all to know that I am not your “Ride or Die”, I am “Ride or…We will see how this goes.” Do not do any crime with me or involve me in your shit, because I probably will cut a deal if it looks like I’m going down for your crime. If I feel that our relationship has no mutual respect or benefits, I will dip out. These are all facts about me. These things may not be popular and leave me single for the rest of my life but…